In The Life of A Raptor
by Phoenix of the Sea
Summary: We look into Rex's life in his own POV. Sure we may hate him but why not see how miserable his life is? PG13 for Rex's mouth. The ending is here!
1. Rex

**In the Life of a Raptor**

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Anime an idea that no one have used yet! I feel so happy!

* * *

Chapter 1-Rex

**He's in his own fanfic,**

**And he gets mad really quick,**

**He's Rex Raptor!**

**The main man of all the chapters,**

**He's Rex Raptor!**

Okay… I could've sworn I didn't ask for a theme song! UGH! I'm Rex Raptor, the annoying teen that everyone hates (but Anime). If no one noticed, my voice changed since battle city. Weird huh? My buddy Weevil, another annoying guy, says it's from puberty, an experience of life that may take a bite from your ass! OH! I should start the story shouldn't I?

Okay, I was lying in bed until…

"REX! WAKE YOUR LAZY BUTT UP!" Weevil yelled, pouncing on me. Weevil couldn't wake me up so he wiggled he fingers around my face murmuring, "Crawl my cockroach friend!"

That got me scared! I jumped from my sleep and fell to the floor in my boxers screaming, "GET IT OFF!!" Weevil just snickered. "I hate you dude!" I said, bending over to get my pants.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that crack kills?" Weevil said, hinting that my 'crack' was showing from my boxers. I stood up blushing and punched Weevil in the face, knocking him to the ground. When will anyone learn how to not get me mad? Weevil got up, adjusting his nerdy glasses, and mumbled, "Owwy!" I got my pants on and threw on my jacket.

"Why are you here anyways?" I asked, walking downstairs with him following me.

"I came here to remind you that you have a job to attend to!" He replied, making me sweat.

"Oh no," I worried "Mr. Ramos is gonna kill me!" I ran back upstairs to switch to my outside clothes to my working clothes. I pushed Weevil down the stairs as I ran for the door.

"Mr. Raptor," His annoying voice called "I see that you are late again! Luckily, Mr. Underwood here went to your house to get you here! One more time you're tardy, you will be fired and will never be allowed to come to McBurgers again!" He walked off like the fag he was.

Mr. Ramos. He's 9 years older than me and thinks he controls me! He's a geek/idiot/A-hole/retard. His face was covered in freckles, he wore the biggest glasses I've ever saw, he wore a striped t-shirt (red and white), that same dusty nametag, and he always yelled at the chef (me).

"GR," I growled "One day I will have my revenge!"

"Don't be so mad," Weevil said, obviously not seeing how dumb that guy can be "You'll be the manager one day!" I scoffed and pushed him into the trashcan. When I went to my grill, Mr. Ramos was there. He told me to do the cash register. I could sense that the freak was gonna cut my paycheck! I stood at the cash register, waiting for a freak to order. Weevil's butt was still stuck in the trashcan until he pushed with all his might. A huge, overweight man arrived, looking like he was gonna get stuck in the door when he came.

"Welcome to McBurgers," I said "How may I help you?"

"Yes," He said, sounding like Fat Albert (Don't own) "I would like 3 number 9s, one with extra dip, a number 4 with extra ketchup, a number 1, and a diet coke (Don't own)."

Holy crap! Please tell me he has a family waiting for him at his house…Wait, he probably ate them too!

"Would that be for here or to go?" I asked.

"For here." He replied.

"That'll be 2,700 yen." I said. He threw his money at me and I was watching him sit down with difficulties…BIG difficulties. When I told my fellow friends (Excluding Mr. Ramos), one of them asked,

"Are we feeding a human or a humpback whale?!" I chuckled but somehow, Mr. Ramos had the food ready. It looked heavy when the service girl carried it to him. She walked away with a sore back.

The doors flew open again and my eyes shifted into a glare in a matter of minutes. It was that midget, Yugi Muto and that cursed Joey Wheeler.

"Rex?! You work at a burger place?" Joey screamed.

"Obviously," I muttered, rolling my eyes "So what's your order?"

"I want 3 number 9s, one with extra dip, a number 4 with extra ketchup, a number 1, and a diet coke!" The dummy ordered. Good Kami, when will these people learn to eat less greasy foods?

"And you?" I asked Yugi, who climbed on the counter just to order.

"I would like a McSalad and a cup of water!" He said, sounding like he was having difficulties talking. A scream from the door came. It was Free Willy (AKA Fatty).

"HEY HEY HEY! I'M STUCK!" He yelled, struggling to get out.

"Can some put some grease on fatty here to get out!?" Rex yelled.

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Anime-I hope it was good so far! 


	2. Revenge At Last!

Anime-Okay, I'm sorry if I offended anyone out there with the fat jokes. ::Bows head in shame::

WARNING-This chapter includes toilet humor…

----

Chapter 2-Revenge at Last!

**He's in his own fanfic,**

**And he gets mad really quick,**

**He's Rex Raptor!**

**The main man of all the chapters,**

**He's Rex Raptor!**

Damn that theme song!

Anyways, that night, when I was on my way out of the door, Mr. Ramos gave me my paycheck and I seem to have been paid 1 measly cent! I was infuriated! How dare him!? He will get my revenge!

I grabbed Weevil and we devised an evil plot against Mr. Ramos and McBurgers. We went to the place a while after and we put a lot of wax on the floors, we put laxatives in the sodas, we switched the strawberry milkshakes to Pepto Bismol (It tastes nasty and it makes you puke!) , we peed in the grease boiling thingy, we demolished the toilets, and we switched the chocolate milkshakes with cow manure! MUAHAHAHA! They shall feel the wrath of Rex Amphibian Raptor! HAHAHAHA!

Our POV

The next sunshine day, Mr. Ramos and other workers (Besides Rex) walked in and they slipped and fell face-first! "I think the clean-up man over did his job!" Mr. Ramos growled. They got up and tried to keep their balance. An old woman walked in and slipped, breaking her back.

"Hide her in the garbage can!" Mr. Ramos commands, as the workers tossed the old woman into the garbage can outside.

5 soccer players (boys to be exact) came in and slipped on the floor as well! They swerved their way to the counter with the coach yelling,

"Go into the Diving Turtles Formation!"

They ordered everything and when they got they're food, they had the most sour-looking faces ever!! One kid who ordered a soda farted out loud and found out the toilets were demolished and went on himself!

Another kid puked on the bathroom floors, another was eating fries and spat his fries back up. One of them was actually enjoying the manure (O.o EWWY!!) and one big kid came up to the counter, mooned the cash register man (AKA Mr. Ramos), and shitted all over the counter and on Mr. Ramos.

"AH!" Mr. Ramos screamed.

Rex's POV

Now I stand on a hill, looking down at McBurgers, laughing.

"Victory is mine!!" I murmured, grinning.

"Don't you love the smell is revenge!?" Weevil asked me, grinning as well.

"Yes I do," I replied "But unfortunately, not that smell coming from McBurgers!"

Weevil and I ran away, laughing malevolently.

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Anime-I hop you enjoyed the disgusting, yet funny chapter!


	3. Babysitting

Chapter 3-Babysitting

Welcome to another chapter of my…Wait, no music? YES! (Singing) No music, no music! No, no, na-no, no music!

(After a while)

Okay, so I'm looking for a job and the only job that popped into my mind is babysitting. Weevil trained me through the basics of being 'nice', having fun, and receiving money. Right now, we're going through having fun.

"If the kid has Fairy God Parents (I don't own Fairly Odd Parents)?" Weevil asked me.

"Pray that the next words out my mouth aren't muffled by my own bum." I answered.

"When the pimp's in the crib?" Weevil asked.

"Drop it like it's hot…" I sang.

"When the pigs try to get at you?" Weevil asked.

"Park it like it's hot…" I sang.

"And when the bitch get an attitude?" Weevil asked.

"Pop it like it's hot!" I sang.

"You did it! You passed the babysitting test!" Weevil exclaimed.

"Yes," I shouted, jumping out of my seat "I AM SO SMART, I AM SO SMART, S-M-R-T, I MEAN S-M-A-R-T!"

We posted flier everywhere saying that I was for hire! I waited by my phone and someone called.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hello," The man greeted "I need a babysitter for my little brother. Meet me at the KaibaCorp immediately!"

CLICK

The bastard hung up before I could ask how much I was going to get paid! Oh well. I met him at KaibaCorp. I went there and Seto Kaiba wanted me to baby-sit his little brother, Mokuba Kaiba. I was going to be paid 30,000 Zen. When Kaiba left, Mokuba had a little pout on his face. He was sitting on the living room couch watching his little cartoons. I went to go make some lunch and I made pasta…That's right, pasta! Who cares if it's not a Japanese food? Anyways, when I went into the living room he wasn't there. I shrugged my shoulders and went to go look for him. He wasn't in Seto's room. He wasn't in his room, and he's-sure-as-heck not under the couch. This was a problem. I went around and I found him in a dark corner in a corridor. He eyes gleamed red and when I stretched my arm out for him, the little brat hissed at me. Then he leaped at me! When I awoke from unconsciousness, I was hanging upside down on a rope with my arms tied together and legs tied together. The ropes on my legs were attached to a hook on the ceiling. Mokuba had a plastic bat and started beating me with it! (NO YAOI THOUGHTS) He had a good swing too.

"I'm gonna make your life a living hell!" He said.

That sounded like a vow! Oh crap! HELP ME! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY!

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Anime-I hope you enjoyed. Sorry for the short chapter though.

**Setosbluedragon**-I'm glad you like my idea!

**Molly-Chan the Anime/game Fan**-I was born mean I guess. You should see me at school!

**Kiwigirl89**-I'm sorry for the short chapters!

**Danielle/Ketaruema and Kera-**I haven't heard from you in a while! It's good to have your reviews again, and maybe I should do your idea!

**Vaporeon13204**-I'm glad you find it funny!


	4. Babysitting Mokuba

Chapter 4-Babysitting Mokuba

WOOHOO! NO SONG AGAIN! Any who, I hung on those ropes upside-down for 20 minutes with blooding running to my head. Fortunately, the hook broke off the ceiling. When I got up, I was dizzy. I fell down all 30 stairs while trying to find Mokuba. I found him in the living room, watching his favorite show, Shaman King (Don't own).

"Mokuba…" I groaned.

He looked at me with glaring red eyes. I felt like I was in the Terminator (Don't own).

"It's time to go to bed." I said.

"But it's only 1:09 AM!" Mokuba complained.

"Don't back-talk me brat! MARCH!" I yelled, getting annoyed.

Mokuba muttered something as he walked to his room. I lied down on the couch watching Point Pleasant (Don't own). Man that's a weird woman! I fell asleep and dreamt about saving a woman out in the ocean on a windy, rainy day. I went to save her but then a shark ate me!

I woke up and found myself in a…Nani? A plain; where the heck am I? I heard a gruff growled behind me, and when I looked, I didn't like what I saw.

"AAHH! A blue-eyes!" I screamed, running away.

It charged up its attack and obliterated me!

I woke up again to find myself in Kaiba's virtual gaming portal. I also found Mokuba programming it.

"Why you little brat!" I yelled.

"Downloading DBZ Budokai…Initiate!" Mokuba smiled.

"Oh no you don't you little…"

…

Too late; now I stood in an arena with a large, green haired man in front of me.

START!

"Where did that come from?" I asked myself.

The man began to levitate and a bright light appeared. I only stared until it turned dark and the man began to glow even more, until his hair became spikier and his size increased! He came towards me, smirking.

"H-hey there, big fella!" I stammered nervously.

A green orb appeared in his hand and I saw subtitles that said 'Blaster Shell'. He threw it at me, and once again, I was obliterated.

K.O!

Where the heck is that coming from? Anyways, I woke up again and Mokuba shouted,

"Grand Theft Auto: Vice City…Initiate!"

"NO!" I screamed.

I better be Tommy Vercetti! Nope, I was a running citizen, while Mokuba controlled Tommy. When will this day end?

-

Phoenix-Thanks to:

**Kiwigirl89**-I had to bash it! I couldn't help it!

**KaibaVeryOwnPinaColoda**-That's right, I continued! Thanks for your review!

**Vaporeon13204**-Even though I'm typing this, I feel bad for him too!

**Setosbluedragon**-Everyone love that song! n.n


	5. OO NO WAY!

Me-This may be a short one folks!

Chapter 5-O.O NO WAY!

"AAAAH!"

Now I ran from this giant wolf-like giant who was first a man who was called 'Sesshoumaru' or something like that.

CRUNCH!

He pounded me into the ground with his giant massive paw. I woke up again in the lab crying, begging for freedom. But fortunately, the boy wasn't there! PHEW! I didn't want anybody to see me crying. The only one who saw me cry before was Weevil when I got that SUPER wedgie from that jerk, Mako.

(A.N-…New fic ideas rushing through the old noggin!)

I walked into…actually, snuck into the kitchen and the living room. He wasn't there; the brat was in his room, sleeping like a baby!

Must resist urge to KILL!

I slept on the couch, plotting revenge in my sleep until I hear crying and shouting.

"Shut up…" I moaned.

I woke up and saw Mokuba with a torn shirt and his pants halfway off his butt as Seto held him in his arms…What went on? The Mokuba try to sneak out and get hit by a street-sweeper? PLEASE SAY YES SOMEBODY!

"Don't worry," Seto moaned "He won't touch you like _that _anymore."

…What? He spotted me awake and dragged me outside…by the hair! I kicked and screamed as he pinned me to a wall. I DIDN'T DO IT! This is probably how MJ was set up…

He handed me a wad of money and told me how Mokuba always used that tactics to get nanny's fired, but unfortunately, he caught the wad of hair I left in the sink and fired me! Now what job I'm I supposed to get?

Baker? Nah, I created a vicious Gingerbread Man.

Slaughter house? Nah, the cow attacked me.

CubeBuster (DO own)? Nah, I stole all the mangas and DVDs.

Fanfic typer? Nah, when I look at Phoenix of the Sea, It's scary!

(A.N-I HEARD THAT!)

I'll think…

…

BRAIN DAMAGE! I THOUGHT TO HARD! I know! A taxi driver!

Phoenix-I'm sorry folks, but it'll probably be years until I type another chapter! My father doesn't have internet so I have to use the school's, the store's, or my mother's!

Thanks to:

**Sour Schuyler**-Dang straight they're awesome! Thanks for picking out your favorite quotes!

**Vaporeon13204**-…Was that sarcasm? Oh well! Rex'll get over it! (Rex-NO I WON'T!)

**AbhorsenSabriel87**-Sorry, but I haven't play that game and I barely have time to watch the show! I'm such a bad anime fan! (Sob)

**Nmlssone**-I'm glad you like it!

**KaibasVeryOwnPinaColoda**-I'm getting more attention by this fic by the minute! WOOHOO!

**Luwa**-Family Guy rocks, but it can be a bit…racial! They once had the triple K in it!

**The Incredible Emo Kid**-I liked the idea! I appreciate that you people are helping me!

**Kiwigirl89**-Don't worry! Number 30 is coming soon!


	6. Taxi to the Maxi!

Chapter 6-Taxi to the Maxi!

Once again, no theme song! What a relaxing day for me as I lied in bed while my mom and dad where out…

I WISH! Instead I'm at the taxi registration with the foul smell of armpits fouling the air. Luckily I got the job, but unfortunately, I KNOW something weird's gonna happen! I got my taxi and I started to drive. Beautiful day in Domino until I saw HIM! Mako Tsunami.

"TAXI!" He screamed, as I hit the gas pedal.

I snickered until…

"CHAKI-WAII (Wy-EE)-KON-TAII (Ty-EE)!" Someone screamed and something jumped onto my windshield.

I looked out of my window and saw a crazy hobo. I got my additional bonus bat that the boss gave me and starting whacking the crap out of him. When he flew off, I realized that I was on the sidewalk, hitting random people. I better get a pity bonus for this.

"Taxi!" Somebody else yelled after I stopped hitting the so-called 'innocent' people.

I stopped and he told me to go to Chin-Chine St. and so I did. After he left, I realized something. I ended up in the Chinese and Japanese Ghetto (**1**)! The Chinese walked around wearing blue bandanas while the Japanese wore red bandanas.

"Brace yo self, baka!" The customer yelled, pointing a gun to my head.

I was HOPING he'd pull the trigger! This life was too miserable anyways.

"Fune-Shin!" A lady yelled, holding a gun, pointing it at him "What did I tell you about robbin' taxi drivers?"

"Yes, honey…" He moaned, getting out the car.

After a few hours of insanity, like picking up a Ginger, my vicious Gingerbread man, Mokuba, who caused all kinds of heck, and the Chinese MJ, who I threw out, I finally noticed something…

"I DIDN'T GET PAID!" I screamed, as someone else called for me.

"Taxi!" He screamed.

"'Taxi' this!" I screamed back, running him over repeatedly. "Back, forward, back, forward…"

"OMG! HE'S KILLING THE MAYOR!" Some lady screamed.

Ohhhhhhhh crap! The police pulled me away and stuck me in jail with some muscular blonde as my cell mate.

"You got some purty lips!" He said.

"HELP MMMEEEEEE!"

321 123

Phoenix-Quick update!

(**1**)-The Ghetto is like the projects, where poor people and gangsters live. I used to live near one in young age until they moved to the 'Shooting Age'.

Thanks to:

**Sour Schuyler**-OH NO! NOT NOA!

**The Incredible Emo Kid**-Don't worry dear, you'll get over it. If you keep calling people 'dear' and 'darling', they might think you're one of those rich and fancy women…You are a girl right? (Let's hope so because I don't wanna be called 'dear' and 'darling' by a guy!)


	7. Don't Drop the Soap!

Chapter 7-Don't Drop the Soap!

OMG, OMG, OMG! Someone help me! There's approximately 10 minutes until shower-time! Gulp!

In the cafeteria, mostly everyone stole my food, but I was greeted by an expected jail-bird; Mokuba. Thankfully, the others go for the young ones first in the showers! Thank you, Ra!

"Why are you here, brat?" I asked, a bit curious.

"When you literally threw me out the cab, I was thrown into a jewelry store and the alarms went off. Seto's lawyer couldn't help me in court!" Mokuba explained.

"I have to wish you good luck in about 2 minutes, dude." I said.

"W-Why?" Mokuba asked.

"You'll see," I said "Unless they blind you and your butt starts to hurt. They'll be touching you like _that._"

I exited the cafeteria as Mokuba's jaw dropped. That felt so good! Vengeance is mine!

In the showers, Mokuba stayed right behind me while the guys smiled at us. One of them whipped me with a wash cloth and made me drop the soap.

…

…

Do I dare bend down for it? Nah! I stole Mokuba's instead. Him and I fought over it until it slipped from between our fingers, bounced from the walls and hit everybody except us and knock them out. We both slipped into a jail cell together and decided to work together until we left. It wasn't so easy to survive. Hard labor, hard rocks, hard men…

I bet you can guess which one is scary! Every time shower time occurred, we either hid or did the pop-goes-the-soap idea!

We'll need a few days to plan an escape route!

321

Phoenix-Sorry for the shortness!

Thanks to:

**Kiwigirl89**-I'm sorry! I really am!

**AbhorsenSabriel87**-…TOO much!

**Sour Schuyler**-Thanks for the idea!

**The Incredible Emo Kid-**PHEW! GO BLACK RIM GLASSES!


	8. Big Bubba and Fabio

Chapter 8-Big Bubba and Fabio

**Without a fail,**

**He's in jail,**

**With no one caring to bail,**

**He's Rex Raptor!**

…

**What are doing with the knife?**

("Shut the hell up!)

**NO! NNOOOOOOOO!**

Okay, so after killing…I mean, shutting the singer up, I laid in the jail cell reading: "No Promises in the Hurricane: by Irene Hunter" (**1**). Mokuba drew on the wall with a pebble. Successfully, he drew the whole crew of Mew Mew Power…That's one powerful pebble.

A policeman opened up the jail cell to let in two more guys. One was fat, and the other one was a blonde.

"We're letting Big Bubba and Fabio into your jail cell, seeing how there aren't anymore left." The policeman said.

…

…

Did he just Big Bubba…AND Fabio? OH GOD NO!

When the policeman left, the two began to giggle like homosexuals.

"I call the cute, little one." Fabio said.

"I like guys with the chocolate colored hair." Bubba said.

"Hey look, it's Pegasus!" I yelled.

"WHERE?" They looked behind them, but one slight accident: We didn't have anywhere to run to!

"Nice job Raptor!" Mokuba sneered.

"LUNCHTIME!" A guard yelled.

Wait, after lunch, it's shower time! Crap!

_After lunch_

In the showers, no one was there. Or so we thought! We showered until we heard:

DUN-DUN

O.o

DUN-DUN DUN-DUN

O.O

DUN-DUN DUN-DUN DUN-DUN

"Where's that coming from?" Mokuba asked.

DA-DA!

I looked to the corner to see a guard dancing with his rifle to the radio, the one responsible for the music. He paused and asked,

"Should I change the station?"

"Yes, please."

"Hey big boy." Someone familiar called.

'_Please let it be Fabio! He likes Mokuba more than me!" _I thought.

"It Big Bubba."

SHIT!

"Message for Rex Raptor and Mokuba Kaiba." The P.A announced.

"YES!" I cheered.

Down in the message room, Seto Kaiba sat there manicuring his nails.

"What're you doing here Seto?" Mokuba asked.

"I missed my manicure session to inform you that you two are sprung." He replied.

"Say what?"

"No THAT sprung. I mean, I've bailed you two out!" Seto said.

Freedom at last, freedom at last!

534

Phoenix-Hopefully it was good.


	9. Mall Wars

Phoenix-HA! You guys thought I was dead! But I'm alive and continuing the fic! HAHA!

Chapter 9-Mall Wars

**Due to a murder,**

**We're unable to sing the theme song.**

**Thank you,**

**And Have a nice day…**

Now Weevil suggests I work in a pretzel shop, on the 3rd floor, in the mall. So here I am, bore out of my mind, watching the people stroll by and the kids scream for what they want like the little girl who was with her father.

"**I WANT A PRETZEL! WAAAAHHHH!"**

"But honey," her father sighed, "I don't have any money."

Then why did you come to the mall of you don't have any? To go window shopping?

On the other side of the mall was a burger place. I read the **How To Write A FRIGGIN' Good Novel** (**1**) book as I watch all of the attention go to them. I didn't mind. I hated burgers since I got my revenge and I hated pretzels because they're nothing but bread with salt on them.

Next to it was an Italian eatery. Everything had tomato sauce on it and I've read from an interesting source that some off the tomato sauce jars have dead mosquitoes in it. (**2**).

When I was done with the book, I got mad and began to yell for attention.

"What's that? The tomato sauce at the Italian Eatery has mosquitoes in it and the burgers at the Burger place is made out of pork and horse testicles."

At the burger place, an Arabian man threw a fit.

"You know I can't eat pork!" He yelled.

"But…" The waitress stuttered.

"YOU KNOW DAMN RIGHT!" The Arabian pulls out a sword and everyone began to run and barf.

"Don't run," The Italian man and the farmer woman yelled, looking at everyone gather around Pretzel Press."

I took orders like a butler serving twenty princesses. I could tell I was getting paid. That was until everyone left the stand and the Italian man had a sausage in his hand and the farmer had a meat patty in her hand. There was only tell that there was one thing on there mind…I'll tell you as soon as remember as to what it was…

…

OH YEAH! Revenge! I untie a pretzel and dipped both ends into hot cheese that dried up really fast, making the pretzel look like a light saber from Galactic Wars (**3**). The farmer squeezed her patty to have blood build on top. The Italian squeezed his…Whoa, I had to stop there for a second. He squeeze THE sausage to get grease to build on it. Wait a sec! It was like Dark Maul fighting Obi-Con and Queer-Gon (**4**).

I hope I don't get cut in two though!

There, we began to fight. It was winning too until The Farmer (Obi-Con) hit me in my eye. It was on the ground rubbing my eye when she raised her patty over my head. When she thought she won, I flicked a piece of salt in her eye. She wet haywire and went over the mall railings, falling onto the first floor and dying. I got up and kicked the Italian in the you-know-what.

"HA! I kicked you in your sausage!" I laughed.

"You've done well young Shit (**5)**." Sideus said.

"Go to hell Sideus." I growled.

He walked away in gloom as he looked for another sucker for the Darth Vader costume.

HAHA! Victory as mine again until the manager fired me for untying the pretzel. NOW WHERE WILL I WORK?

678

Phoenix-Poor Rex! Thanks to my dearest friends who're probably saying: "It's about damn time he continued!"

So…REVIEW! I GOT LIKE 72 HITS AND NO ONE'S REVIEWING! REVIEW NOW!

(**1**)-Parody on How To Write A Damn Good Novel

(**2**)-I didn't wanna say this, but it's true…

(**3**)-Parody of Star Wars

(**4**)-Parody of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon

(**5**)-Parody of Sith


	10. Real World Japan Part I

Chapter 10-Real World (Japan) Part 1

**Feel Good…**

**(Guitar starts)**

**Feel Good…**

**Feel Good…**

**The city's breakin' down on the camel's back…**

**(1)**

Yippee! Guess where I'm going!

To REAL WORLD JAPAN! YAY!

…

I hope you caught the hint of sarcasm, because I hate that show. To much angst, no humor, and people get messed up. I'd rather be invited to play a role on Degrassi.

(A/N-I love that show!)

When the show started, I met three guys and four girls.

The girls: Julianne (brunette), May (red-head), Christine (dark-haired black girl (SORRY IF ANY OFFENSE), and Felicia (blonde)

The guys: Chris (brunette), Greg (red-head), Rave (dark hair), and Fondue (Chinese blonde)

I met everybody and they all wanted to go to a bar to get drunk and simply said no. That's when I forgot people got interviews on this show.

* * *

"This guy's a total loser," Greg said. "I mean, he can't just go out and get one little drink?"

* * *

My ears were burning. I bet Carrot Top is talking about me. He should be the first one to get hurt!

That night, I sat on the couch reading a volume of FullMental Alchemist **(2) **with Chris as the others were out drinking. Chris and I were the best of friends that night. Chris agreed with me that drinking was stupid. Little did he know was that I drank pina colodas.

He sat in the kitchen eating until he got up and took off ALL of his clothes. I looked up from my manga and freaked out.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"I'm going to bed," he said shortly. "Join me if you want…"

"Join you?" I asked.

"We only have seven beds," he said. "You're gonna hafta sleep with someone."

"I'll sleep on this couch, thank you very much!" I complained as he walked to his room.

I was still tensed by the fact he wanted me to sleep next to him nude. I shuddered at that.

I continued to read untila little pebble hit the window. I didn't hear it, so I continued to read. I bigger pebble hit the window, but I couldn't hear it. A stone hit the window, and I looked around, but thought it was a figment of my imagination. A garden gnome went _through _the window, catching my attention. I looked at the window but someone threw a cat at me. It clawed onto my face, but out the corner of my eye, I saw the gang.

"You open up doo'," Fondue yelled in his Chinese accent. "Police after uussss."

"Go to the back door," I yelled back. "I'll unlock it as soon as I get this cat off of me!"

The guys ran to the back as I pried the cat off of me. When I got to the back to unlock the door, the guys gasped in horror.

"What?" I asked.

"That cat did a number to your face dude!" Rave laughed.

I ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror and saw a bloody face. I screamed out loud and woke Chris up. The gang watched as Chris came out of his room nude.

"What's going on?" Chris asked.

"Dat's a question I wanna ask ya'll," Christine asked, crossing her arms.

"Did something go on between you two?" Rave asked.

"I wish," Chris said.

Wait, wait, wait a second. He WISHED?

"You wish?" The others asked in unison.

"Well duh," Chris said in a girly voice. "I'm gay!"

O.O;;

O.O;;

O.O;;

O.O;;

O.O;;

O.O;;

O.o;; (Greg)

**O.O;; **(Rex)

543

Phoenix-I hoped you liked it!

(**1**)-Gorillaz's 'Feel Good Inc.' song! I love it!

(**2**)-Parody of FullMetal Alchemist


	11. Real World Japan Part II

Chapter 11-Real World Part II

**Wake up!**

**Grab a brush, put on a little makeup,**

**Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup,**

**Why'd you leave the keys up on the table?**

**Here you go, create another fable!**

**(1)**

"So…Chris is gay," I said into the camera. "I'm no homophobe, but after asking me to sleep with a nude you and keeping it on the DL….um, NO! Seriously, I am not a homophobe! Wait, shh. D'you hear that? It's quiet…too quiet."

I stepped out of the room to see the whole place empty. No Julianne, Christine, Felicia, May, Greg, Fondue, or Rave.

Wait…someone's out of that list, other than me.

"Ho shit," I whispered.

Chris was here, and he was hiding. Where though?

Oh, how lovely! The producers of the Real World were nice enough to play a heartbeat noise. I should give them a fruit basket.

I wonder how Weevil's doing…

In Domino, at a bar, right down the street from Yugi's game-house thing, around the corner from Joey's father's house, and right above Mokuba's evil lair…

Weevil hung his head low in shame. He took another swig on the Cisco, and another puff on the weed as he watched Rex's show. Tears were stroking his dazed red eyes.

"Are you okay, sonny?" the bartender asked.

"No!" Weevil screamed, pointing at the TV. "I'm about to lose my one love to a stranger. I've had my eyes on him since birth! I feel like a uber lo-hic-ser."

"Well my boy," the bartender sighed, "you just gotta…"

(Out of nowhere a music theme came out)

(Italics are the singing bartenders, and the straightened are the talking Weevil. Bold is when he starts singing)

_Come out of the closet_

Come out of the closet?

_And don't you pause it!_

_Cuz you'll never get some,_

_And become a gay bum!_

Is there such a thing?

_No, but you'll be the fiiirrrssttt!_

**You know, you're right!**

**I should just fight!**

**Or else,**

**I'll holla,**

**SUCKY-SUCKY,**

**5 DOLLA!**

_So get you boy,_

_Your sexy little toy!_

Weevil punched the bartender out.

**I'm running out of time,**

**To get,**

**Him,**

**To,**

**Be,**

**MMMMMMIIIIINNNNNNEEEE!**

"OH RA, SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"UP YOUR'S DRUNKY!"

Weevil ran out of the bar until the weed slowed him down. By the time he reached the door, he was wheezing.

"My name is Weevil, not Wheeze-il! Hoo-boy!"

With Rex

I got that feeling that something weird happened. Oh well…

I walked around the house to check where the guy was at. He wasn't in the bathroom, he wasn't in the room, he wasn't even in the kitchen.

"Where the hell is…"

"I?"

I turned around and saw Chris, my man-hunter.

"Oh God," I screeched. "Please don't rape me!"

"Good God," Chris sighed. "You straight people need to stop judging us gays! Just because you have a hot body and a voice that compels me, does not mean that I'm gonna rape you."

"Oh," I groaned, feeling bad, "I'm sowwy."

"That's alright," he said with a smile. "Now, I need you to do something for me."

"Like?"

"Stare into this!"

He whipped at a weird hypnotizing wheel thing that made trippy pictures when it spun. AH!

"What…is…it?" I asked with the last bit of mental strength.

"It's something all gay guys want! A hypnotizer to turn straights gay!"

(A/N: Trust me, us gays want one soooooooo badly)

"I must…resis—aw, what the hell?" I sighed, giving in.

"Not so fast, jerk!" a familiar and annoying voice screamed.

"Who's there?"

FWOOMP! FWOOMP!

"Ack!" Chris screamed, pulling tranquilizers out of his neck.

He fainted to the floor as Weevil came in in a Tarzan costume. Was it me, or was he looking cute? Wait! No! PAMELA ANDERSON, PAMELA ANDERSON, ANDY DICK! Dammit!

"Rex, I've came for you!"

"Thanks, sweets, I mean, buddy!"

"Rex, don't be scared! It's only love! Sweet, sweet love!"

I turned to the cameraman and punched him out. I jumped into Weevil's arms, hoping he would ride me! W00T!

He began to walk to the room, straining himself to death.

"Rex…lay off the cake!"

"Hey, that cake made my sweet hump." I said, smiling.

456

**(1)-**Chop Suey by System of a Down


	12. My Final Act

Chapter 12-My Final Act

**You don't have to speak because,**

**I can hear your heart beat…**

**Fluttering like butterflies,**

**Searching for a drink.**

**You don't have to cover up,**

**Have you feel when you're in love…**

**(1)**

My ass hurts…Hey, why do I feel like smoking a cigarette? And who the hell is snoring? Oh, and why am I sweaty?

I tried to roll out of bed until I felt something around my bare waist. Before I could look behind me, I noticed something. I was in my own bedroom!

Something wasn't making any sense!

When I turned around, I saw someone I should've expected. It was Weevil in the nude. Before I could freak out, I began to remember the night before. Chris, hypnotize, Weevil, hump!

I had sexual intercourse with Weevil, my gay best friend!

Aw well…it was kind of foreshadowed in the past chapters, no? I might as well sleep it off…then I'm gonna go outside and make things normal again.

I began to doze off once again until my mom came in. She was complaining about something I wasn't in the mood for.

"Rexy, poo!" She screamed. "You need to get up and go get a job! I'm tired of seeing you get fired and coming home with a look of pain on your face."

"Mom," I growled, rising out of bed, "I've been a worker at a fast food restaurant, a babysitter, a taxi driver, arrested, a guy that worked at a pretzel stand, and a TV star for a day, what more do you want! I'M 15, DAMMIT!"

My mom ran away…

I feel good; too good. I shook Weevil to wake him up.

"What?" he grumbled.

"Wake up! I got morning wood, and you're the uke this time."

"Dammit…"

(_Two Hours Later_)

I ran outside today, screaming to the world.

"I'm Rex Raptor, gay and proud! I hate you all, and you all deserve to rot in hell!"

"That's not nice," I heard Tea scream.

"Shove it, bitch," I yelled back, pushing her into a manhole.

I continued running and screaming. I fed that fat guy from McBurgers a coke and pop rocks. I ran away as the bomb went off.

I led the police team into Mokuba's evil lair and Seto's corporation for cheating in stocks.

I stole wheels off of each and every taxi I could find.

I made Big Bubba and Fabio drop the soap.

I went to the mall to kick everyone's ass with my cheese-pretzel-sabre.

And finally, I led the police to the Real World gang. I said Chris was innocent. I mean, c'mon now. He was nowhere near the crime scene, and all he wanted was lovin'…so I introduced him to Pegasus! n.n

Everything's normal again! But wait…SUPER WEDGIE ON MAKO!

345

**(1)**-Decembers by Hawthorne Heights! The lyrics may be switched up though…


End file.
